Switchblade
by proflig8
Summary: Kaidan invites Shepard to his apartment on the Citadel to work things out. He doesn't realize that she made the transition from paragon into renegade right after resurrection. One-shot, ME2 spoilers.


_To: Commander Shepard  
From: Staff Commander Alenko  
Subject: It's been a while..._

_Shepard,_

_I heard about your success. I mean—who hasn't? There aren't enough words that I can put forward that could even begin describe my relief. It's more than just 'great' or 'good job, Commander,' it's something prominently important. You know that._

_Also, from what I've seen on the vids, you lost a few crew members. Operatives Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor, I think it said? I'm sorry … I know leaving Ash behind was hard enough for you._

_You didn't reply to my last message after Horizon. It's not that big of a deal, I wasn't really expecting anything—not after the way I acted. I didn't deserve it. But I want to talk to you, Shepard. I miss you. I have an apartment on the Citadel—I'll forward directions and how to get there, along with the address. I'll make dinner for us tomorrow night, if you're interested. If you're busy, just let me know._

_-Kaidan_

* * *

He left his terminal open on the small desk and stood up, ready to make dinner for himself tonight. Honestly, he had no idea how things were going to turn out, what with this invitation he just sent to the commander. The woman he knew would probably accept it and give him a reply, but he hadn't spoken to that woman in over two years. He didn't know what to think of her.

That's why he wanted this; _he_ may have been the one that _actually _changed. She was practically in a coma for all that time, right? She'd probably be the same as she was before.

Kaidan turned on the stove and placed a pot filled with water on top of it. Rice and grilled chicken sounded good. His mind flitted over a list of what he'd make tomorrow. He wasn't an expert, but he knew that his food could be tolerated easily. Everything he thought of was either too fancy or not fancy enough.

He smiled softly at the memory of Shepard murmuring to him, _"It really doesn't matter, Kaidan. Your meals are wonderful. You're such a great cook that I can just trust your judgment." _She would then wink at him and say, _"Besides, you know _exactly _what I like."_

The stainless steel pan connecting with the boiling water jolted him back to his senses. His head shot towards the source of the sound, and he inwardly berated himself for getting lost in old thoughts. Despite his extremely light optimism, the realist inside of him screamed for him to do just that: be realistic.

A load of time, harsh words, and unanswered emails … they should have been the sign for Kaidan. They weren't.

The apartment wasn't anything extremely fancy, but now that he was on a commander's salary—even more than Shepard's back on the SR-1—he could afford to live somewhere nice. The kitchen had to be the smallest area, but it made up for that with all the living space and master bedroom. To define it simply, it was a mock bachelor pad. Except he wasn't a bachelor, and he hoped he'd never have to be after tomorrow night.

While eating, he checked his email for important messages from Councilor Anderson, but received none. When he deleted a piece of spam, he got a reply from Shepard.

* * *

_To: Staff Commander Alenko  
From: Commander Shepard  
Subject: RE: It's been a while..._

_Alenko,_

_Yeah, I'll be there. It's about time we get things sorted out._

_-Shepard_

_

* * *

_

It was much too vague for Kaidan's liking, but he'd have to deal with it.

As he lay in bed that night, he thought back to Horizon. There was something strange about her, something he couldn't put his finger on. Her eyes were rimmed with red, but he couldn't tell whether it dealt with tears. He anticipated surgery scars. These didn't look like that. They were much, _much_ worse. Cybernetics taunted him with a broad grin, reflecting off the deep scowl on his former woman's countenance. He wasn't sure what to make of her display. She did hug him, however. That had to be a start.

_Of course she'd hug you. You were serious about her before the attack. When she came back, she lost any means contact with you thanks to your job. What else would she do?_

The commander sighed remorsefully. His Shepard always had soft eyes, an aura of confidence, and a smile of reassurance. He didn't see that on Horizon. He saw something far from it.

* * *

Kaidan was vacuuming the living room carpet when he heard a knock at the door. Shepard wasn't supposed to be there for another hour or so … and yet, it was her. He peered through the viewer and confirmed his suspicions. In all her intimidating glory—_that_ was strange, she used to have a _cute_ glory—she had her arms crossed firm over her chest as she waited.

_I'm not done cleaning the kitchen floor!_

Oh, out of all the things to think about …

He unlocked the door and opened it hesitantly, keeping it wide for her to enter. She walked past him immediately. "Shepard," he greeted, turning to see her back venture away to inspect his apartment, "it's good to see you."

The door slammed shut suddenly; he saw her arm glowing with biotic power. He swallowed carefully. She didn't have biotic powers beforehand, she was a plain soldier. Well, as plain as you could get for being Commander Shepard.

"That's all, huh?" she finally spoke, fists clenching. When she turned to face him, he couldn't stop himself from wincing. The scars had worsened terribly, and her eyes were a surreal red color that he had never seen on anyone, aside from maybe a krogan. Thanks to the casual outfit she wore (black capris, a fitting white t-shirt, and a heavy pistol at her hip), he could see a few terrible marks from either battles or resurrection. She was scratched up horrendously, but she wasn't ugly _or_ attractive. Her jaw was slightly masculine, but her full lips and arched, womanly eyebrows compensated up for that.

She never wore makeup, but for some reason, she must have tried tonight. It was a failed attempt, because the blaring red drew the staff commander's attention away from the eyeliner and mascara. The thick scar on her lip was rather distracting, too, and he could barely see the sheen of lip gloss.

All in all, he could see some sort of resemblance to the old Shepard; however, he was ultimately worried for what was happening to her.

"You gonna gawk at me all day, Alenko? Spit it out."

"What do you …" he started to say.

"You invite me to your apartment and act as though we've been speaking every day since we last saw each other." Her voice was rough and harsh. Biotics flowed through her veins and danced along the smooth-looking skin. "Truth is, we're completely different people, aren't we? It's something else we discovered on that damned colony."

Quite forcefully, he yanked his eyes away from her and muttered, "Well, I didn't want to delve straight into the main issue, Shepard. I just wanted to-"

Her laugh sounded way too malicious, way too contrasting with what he was used to.

"Wanted to what? Soften me up first, and then talk about the sappy shit we used to? Whatever, I came here to listen to what you have to say, regardless if it's worth it or not. I already know the answer to that."

Kaidan tried to be patient. He didn't even have to take a deep breath, he just gestured towards the couch and said, "I need to finish cleaning up a few things. Do you mind? I'll make you some hot tea."

"Hot tea? It's as hot as hell outside," she spat.

Ignoring the almost dire situation, he smiled. "Yeah, I know. Don't think I forgot that you drink hot tea any time of the year, Shepard." He turned away, but he didn't miss the flash of emotion in the woman's eyes. Accomplishment flooded in him, but through the window of the cabinets, he kept a steady eye on her. She seemed like she was observing every single detail in his apartment.

While the water got hot in the microwave, he finished up the spot that he had missed with the floor cleaner. With a press of a button, the ceiling fan turned on and proceeded to start drying the floor. He could feel Shepard's eyes on him, now, and he didn't know what to make of it.

When he handed her the mug, she took a hefty sum and swallowed it without so much as a wince. Kaidan had trouble with simply _holding_ the mug because it was so hot, but she had no problem with it. _Maybe the nerves in her tongue weren't complete? _The thought bothered him, so he hurriedly dismissed it and sat across from her on a chair.

"So, uh, you got biotic implants?" he asked, purposefully trying to make his voice casual.

"Yeah, an L5."

His eyes widened and his eyebrows raised slightly. "Really. Wow, that's gotta be odd. Going from non-biotics to an L5 … The side effects must be terrible." Maybe her entire demeanor was all apart of said effects?

"I'm not one to complain, Alenko."

He held up his hands. "Right, I know that." He was only met with the unnerving glance that she wouldn't drop. Eventually, he busted out a sigh. "Listen, Shepard, I was an ass." She snorted indignantly, but he interrupted her. "Let me finish; I was blinded by the fact that you were working with a terrorist organization. They're terrible, and you know that too—but you were still with them. I was just … _concerned_. There was a possibility that they were controlling you. I mean, I heard the rumors about them being responsible for you being rebuilt …"

"Stop."

So he did. "What?"

She stood up, a slight tremor rocking her knees. Fascinatingly enough, she remained looking beautiful and remarkably feminine through the marks that danced along her body. "Stop saying 'rebuilt.' I'm not some fucking robot. Everyone says it, but they don't realize the connotation it gives." It made sense, now that the male thought about it. But …

Kaidan made the mistake to change his tone to something more cynical. "And how else am I supposed to describe it, then?"

Her eyes flared with near-hatred as she pointed at him. "Shut up, Alenko. Just … shut up for a minute."

"Of course." He had a lot of patience, but this woman looked like she was about to break … and not in the just-give-her-a-hug kind of break. "I'll go put on dinner. Pork chops and wild rice," he answered to her silent question.

"Interesting," she mused. It was the first hint of humor that he'd seen appear on her face. She didn't elaborate on her comment, so Kaidan didn't venture into that danger zone just yet.

Shepard's gaze remained focused on Kaidan, and he saw it nearly every time he turned around. She definitely felt no shame in flat-out staring, analyzing his every move and how he performed said move. While he knew she was trying to piss him off, he brushed it off as flattery. He enjoyed thinking of all the potential thoughts running through her mind right now.

She laughed suddenly. He jerked his head towards her automatically and saw pretty, light eyes there to greet him. Slowly, he tilted his head and blinked; the light eyes were no longer there. _Was I just seeing things?_

"I don't understand. What do you want?"

"You," he answered easily enough.

"No you don't." She stretched comfortably along his couch. "Not anymore."

He crossed his arms. "And why's that?"

The laughter continued; it sounded pathetic. She scraped her nails lightly against her temple and let out a half-sigh, half-murmur. "Your eyesight fail you in the past two years or something? Have you _looked_ at me recently?"

"Of course I have." He sent her a smile, but she refused to receive it. "You're still as beautiful as always."

She said thickly: "Idiot. Don't pull the sentimental shit on me." Her hair glittered with sheen; before, it looked incredibly dull. The strands compelled him to run his hands through it, just like he used to, but he had a feeling that Shepard wouldn't share the same idea. Much easier, "Besides, you're no good at lying. Scars, these blasted demon eyes I've acquired for some fucked up reason …"

"Maybe they're side effects from your surgery," he suggested—hoping 'surgery' would be the right word—and leaned against the counter to look at her. She had an arm stretched across her face; more specifically, her eyes.

"They are, I know it. I don't know how to get rid of them."

"Are you sure? What about the scars? Was the battle really that bad …?"

She shook her head lazily. "The scars came from _no where_. I fight hard, but not _this_ hard. Not when I don't have to. I've felt them rip through my skin before while I slept. It's not a pleasant feeling, Alenko."

He frowned, but then said, "When are you going to start calling me Kaidan again?"

"When I feel like it."

"… Fair enough. And it doesn't sound pleasant. You haven't heard anything from Miranda Lawson, or whomever else worked on the Lazarus Project?"

Shepard shrugged. "Chakwas said something about being good. I am good."

That's where he hesitated; she didn't _seem _good, like she insinuated. "I don't remember you having such a dirty mouth."

She laughed again, this time with more bitterness. "Yeah. Bad habit, I guess."

"I heard … you gave the Illusive Man the Reaper data extracted from the Collector base."

"Ah, yes. 'Reapers,'" she air-quoted, and then added, "What of it?" She lifted her head up to look at him. Her eyes weren't red. "It seemed like the right thing to do. Information that could be used against a fleet of Reapers is welcome in my book. Preventing galaxy-wide destruction is my thing."

He put the food into the oven and brushed off his hands. Venturing back by Shepard, he sat down on the edge of the couch, in front of her legs. She looked slightly uncomfortable at the violation; glaring red greeted him with something akin to hostility.

"Tell me more about these decisions you thought good."

She scoffed. "What are you, my councilor? I've got a yeoman for that. Whatever, though. … Well, I was with my squad mate Jack. She had been tested on as a kid, been pretty messed up and whatnot. She wanted to deploy a bomb on the facility where she 'grew up.' There was this guy that wanted to start it back up again … what an ass. It was obvious enough that they were doing bad things, who the hell cares if you don't know _what _it was? I let her kill him."

Just what Kaidan had a bad feeling about: Shepard did all the 'wrong' things for the right reasons. "Do you feel … like you did the morally-corrupt thing?"

"Goodness, you really _are_ acting like Kelly."

She looked like she wanted to move her legs—badly. Away from Kaidan, away from the guy that walked away from the broken warrior on Horizon. He wanted to just embrace her and tell her that he was sorry and that everything was going to be okay …

"Yeah, I guess I did. Why does that matter?"

"Stress can induce a lot of strange side-effects when you're implanted with cybernetics. From what I've seen on the news vids, you got a lot of them. Maybe … maybe those scars have something to do with that?"

Shepard writhed slightly, uncomfortable. "Doesn't explain why I have the urge to kill anything and everything I see. I just … hate people. Especially recently, it's almost _addictive._"

"Sounds to me like you've got a bit of renegade-fever." He chuckled, though mentality-issues like that _could_ get bad.

"What?" Her voice was astounded, amused.

"When things get tough, it's not surprising when one turns to-"

"I'm _not_ evil," she growled. "I'm not an enemy, don't you _dare _compare me to the countless bastards that I've been running into lately. I …" She withdrew her legs quickly and huddled to her side of the couch.

Kaidan let the silence hang in the air for a little while. He stood up to check on dinner and placed a hand on her shoulder gingerly. "I know, Shepard. I wasn't going to say that."

She stood up to follow him, prowling like a forest cat. While he stood over the stove, she hung around his back and traced the outline of his spine. Curious, he raised an eyebrow and turned to look at her. He liked the sight of pure, bright eyes. She then smacked his behind, causing him to jump suddenly, and let out a delighted laugh.

"Two years … and you still have that great ass."

Baffled and slightly amused, he just laughed and shook his head. He pulled her close to him with his free arm and refused to let her go, despite the slight movement he felt thanks to her feeble attempts.

"I should go," she hissed.

"Why? Old feelings resurfacing?" he teased, a pleased grin plastered on his face.

She hit his chest. "You were a shitty boyfriend on Horizon."

"I know, Shepard," he groaned out. "I've been telling myself that since the day I left that colony. But … you didn't exactly reject my question, did you? I know how you work. You always give a direct answer when you mean something."

"I've changed, you should know that more than anybody."

He pat her shoulder absentmindedly, taking out the pork chops. "No, you really haven't." Her look was almost venomous: _You've _got _to be kidding me_, it screamed. "At first, I thought you did. You're the same woman; maybe you don't have the same body, or the same abilities, but you're still my Shepard. We can blame everything on those damned implants, right?"

"I … I _do _hate them," she said softly, agreeably.

"Good." He took both of her arms and moved them out of the way so he could hug her tightly. She wasn't caught off guard, and she didn't even pull away like he suspected. "I still love you, Shepard. I know that's what bothered you most on Horizon. I used the past tense of the word."

"Two years and you didn't move on, huh?" She squeezed him with as much force as she could, allowing him to lift her up off of the ground. It felt great to be able to hold the woman, to feel her curves fit perfectly against Kaidan's body. "… Kaidan."

He smiled and pulled away. He saw petty bright eyes and unscathed lips. "I knew you were too stubborn to stay dead."


End file.
